Open Adoption: A Story of Love

by Cindy Reid

For Mary, Matt, Elizabeth, and Hanna, that question became their reality. What began as sacrifice grew into something extraordinary: the creation of an entirely new kind of family. This is their love story.

Adoption

Today, a significant majority of domestic infant adoptions are “open adoptions.” The catalyst for change was adult adoptees who need to know their history and birth mothers who need to know their child is well taken care of. Open adoption is not shared parenting. Parental rights of the birth family are terminated, and the adoptive parents are the legal parents. However, both parties often know each other’s identities and have agreed to engage in some level of communication. The level of openness can vary widely—from occasional updates to regular visits.

For birth mothers, it offers reassurance and continued connection with the child, as well as ongoing validation that adoption was the best decision for her and her child. For adoptive families, it provides access to important medical history and cultural background. For the child, it answers questions they may have and can lead to a stronger sense of identity and belonging.

A Family’s Journey

Mary and Matt Suddath, originally from Massachusetts, settled in Richmond Hill, Georgia, where they commuted to their work in pediatric critical care in Savannah. With their daughter Shelby, they became foster parents, eventually adopting their son Cooper. Wanting him to feel fully included as a biracial child, they sought to adopt another biracial child.

Their first attempt ended painfully when a birth mother reclaimed her baby on the ninth day. Devastated but determined, they turned to Catholic Charities in Atlanta. There, they met Elizabeth Moran—a young woman of deep Catholic faith who wanted an open adoption.

“I didn’t know what that really was, but my friend had done an open adoption and said it was a beautiful experience,” Mary says. The family drove to Atlanta to meet Elizabeth Moran, the birth mother. Elizabeth was raised in a devout Catholic family and attended Catholic school from kindergarten through high school. She attended Salem College until the end of her junior year, when she dropped out to have her birth daughter.

“I was introduced to the concept of open adoption at a pregnancy center in North Carolina where I was attending college. I wanted to place my child in a loving adoptive home, but I didn’t want to go forward without any contact. I wanted the opportunity to see this child as she grew and be able to have a relationship, while ensuring the adoptive parents were respected,” Elizabeth explains.

Catholic Charities arranged the first meeting with Mary and Matt. “Our conversation started immediately, as if we had known each other for a long time,” Elizabeth says. Mary agrees. “In five minutes, we were one hundred percent in. We really liked Elizabeth and her mom, and said we would love to be the ones chosen by you.”

It was only six weeks away from birth. The two women spoke often on the phone, and then, “We got a phone call in the middle of the night, and we could hear a baby crying. ‘That’s our daughter crying!’” Mary remembers. “We drove to Atlanta and just looked at her.” The next day at the agency, Elizabeth presented her to the Suddaths, and after ten days, the adoption was finalized.

“The day I placed Hanna in Mary’s arms was the worst day of my life. But I remember getting in the car, and my mother handed me a teddy bear and said, ‘Mary gave this to me to give to you because she knew your arms would be empty.’ It wasn’t a tradeoff—it was knowing the pain I would experience as they had just gone through something like that themselves,” Elizabeth says. “I think back, even now twenty-seven years later, about walking into my home, unable to speak, going into my room, shutting the door, and just wailing for my child.” As painful as it was to live through, Elizabeth says, “It was the most difficult decision of my life, but I don’t regret making it.”

Grief was real, but so was support. Mary invited Elizabeth to visit Hanna, reassuring her that the baby was thriving. That invitation became the foundation of a lifelong relationship. Mary reflects, “Adoption is bittersweet. You must always default to what’s best for the child. Boundaries matter, but so does compassion for the birth parents. When everyone focuses on the child, it becomes beautiful.” The next chapter began as three loving adults and one baby named Hanna found their way in this new experience of open adoption.

From the beginning, the Suddath family has been very open regarding adoption. “When Hanna was baptized, the priest asked, ‘Could the two mothers come to the altar?’ and that was beautiful. Our friends and family were always very supportive. I truly see Elizabeth, her mom, and her sister as family,” Mary says.

Elizabeth says she never could have predicted this journey. “Most surprising was the consistency of our relationship over the years and the many ‘full circle moments,’ such as when my daughter was confirmed at the same church I went to while I was pregnant. Here we were twenty years later, and her confirmation sponsor was Hanna. Mary and my mother were also there. We are family. It’s an honor and privilege to have this relationship.”

When asked if she would do anything differently, Mary thought and said, “I am a different person now, but I would do the same thing. We took openness to a whole new level, and today I would do even more to demystify open adoption.”

Elizabeth says she has become more open to talking about her experience with open adoption. “There’s a component of shame which I had to fight over the years. I think that stems from the continuing stigma from being an unwed mother. I always found it frustrating, especially in my twenties, walking around with a scarlet letter, but over time I have let go of that shame.” She says she would tell a birth mother contemplating open adoption, “It’s going to be okay. Take your time. It will hurt in the short term, but there is the long-term potential to have a wonderful relationship.” To adoptive parents she says, “Listen to your heart. It’s all about respect and trust, and you have to give trust and respect back. It’s a big leap of faith, but adoption is a beautiful gift to all involved. What I envisioned at that time was a very small corner of the picture of what it did become.”

Today

Mary and her husband Matt have been married for forty-four years. Their daughter Shelby and grandson Griffin live with them, which makes for a full and busy house. Retired, Mary volunteers with the Coastal Nurse Honor Guard. Elizabeth had another beautiful daughter and has a career in the financial industry. Her company transferred her to North Carolina two years ago, where she bought a historic home and recently became engaged. Hanna graduated from Ave Maria University in Florida, where she met Justin Brown, a young man from Illinois. They married last October and now live in Illinois, where she teaches music PreK to eighth grade at St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic School in Crystal Lake, Illinois.

Mary says her idea of fun is “being together with my family for a big event or just being with family. That is the best of all.” She relates an annual event that has a special meaning for their family. “Every year since Hanna and Cooper’s adoption, we have celebrated their Adoption Day. This is the anniversary of the day we went to court to finalize their adoptions. We invite extended family to join us each time. When we went to Cracker Barrel, I would sneak a note to the waitress, and at the end of our meal, the staff would all come out and sing ‘Happy Adoption Day To You’ to the tune of Happy Birthday. Often the other people would also join in singing. A few years ago, Cooper told me that he didn’t want them to come out and sing anymore, and I just smiled and said, ‘Okay, then this will be the last time.’ But when the staff came out to sing, our waitress unexpectedly sang it gospel-style, and everyone got pretty emotional! After that happened, he said it was still okay for them to sing it every year.”

For further information:

𝐆𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚 𝐀𝐝𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧
https://www.ga-adoptionreunion.com/

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐀𝐝𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
https://adoptioncouncil.org/